Sometimes it’s hard to eat well when you’re strapped for cash. And usually when you’re low on cash, you’re working a lot trying to make money, stressed trying to pay bills and not sure what to buy and end up grabbing something from a “value menu.” It may seem cheap, but cooking at home is still cheaper and so much healthier. Another big temptation is frozen entrees and packaged meals, but again, it’s better to get some fresh fruits and veggies and some grains to prepare- better choice for the wallet, hips and arteries all at once. It’s also really cheap to take dinner leftovers to work the next day, rather than spend $6 on another meal. Often when I really focus on basics and cut out all unnecessary snacks, I find that buying rice, beans, vegetables and herbs is a much, much cheaper and healthier route than my normal list.

Provided you are fairly well stocked with spices and have a salad dressing and various oils and vinegars on hand like I always do, you can create a ton of different salads and soups with just a few staples which all keep well. Carrots, romaine, celery and potatoes are my favorites for staying fresh a week or longer when I don’t have money or time to shop for fresh food very often. Here’s my list when I go back to the basics due to lack of funds. I take a cue from the rest of the world and cut out meat and dairy, and make the bulk of the meal rice and beans. You can do a lot with rice, vegetables and beans. I’m not trying or struggling to get back 100% vegan, but honestly it doesn’t even cross my mind to get any meat, fish or cheese. The only thing I still want are cottage cheese and yogurt and sometimes I get them, but not usually. I’m just completely in the habit of thinking of my meals from the veggies up and I’m glad I’ve come to that point. I don’t enjoy touching chicken or preparing it, though I don’t mind tuna or sushi. Sushi is great regardless, I like veggie just as much as fish varieties. Which reminds me- sometimes I pick a food theme for the week and stick with foods in a certain part of the world or from a specific cookbook. Once I get all the basic ingredients for Asian, Greek, Thai, Italian or Mexican, it’s easy (and value-conscious) to keep making variations on the theme.

Ok, here’s our list:

1 lb. bananas

5 lb. bag carrots

6 pack romaine heads ($3.29 at Costco)

Head of celery (for snacking and adding to soups)

Add a tomato, cucumber and lemon to the list for quinoa tabbouleh if budget allows- this makes several meal’s worth

Bulk brown rice

Bulk quinoa

Bulk oats (main breakfast choice)

Sprouted Tortillas (or if money is super tight La Favorita from Costco)- burritos, wraps, pb&j… cheaper than bread

Canned chickpeas, white beans, pinto beans, black beans if on sale

Lentils, split peas

Natural soups and soup mixes  (add tons of water, broth and veggies to all soups to make several meals out of one)

Frozen veggies to throw in soups once fresh are gone

Large bag of mini sweet peppers or bell peppers if on sale (usually about $5 at Costco)

1 bunch each- Italian parsley, cilantro- both are so cheap and add so much flavor

Pack of buckwheat soba noodles from the Asian market- about $1 for 6 bundles

Canned tomatoes to mix with veggies and herbs for marinara

Bulk popcorn- pop on stovetop for a snack (usually about 67 cents per pound)

Reusable Produce Bags

Grab these and your favorite handmade tote from Etsy and hit the Farmer’s Market or natural grocer as many times you want, filling up on fresh fruits and veggies with truly minimal waste.

Sound Mind Sound Body Campaign by Asics via Women's Health

I saw this ad in Women’s Health this month and it really caught my eye. Right away I liked the bold graphic nature of the composition, but then I looked closer and saw all these little words- rage, fear, sadness, insecurity- on the left side, before the runner is breaking through the sheet of water. It speaks to the way exercise clears your mind, and I know this to be true.

My favorite yoga DVD Dance the Chakras focuses on the mind and the breath and I find it so refreshing. I love the positive narration and the beautiful imagery they describe. At one point they talk you through a pose explaining that when energy flows in that area you can turn anxiety into energy we can use for creativity and self healing and invite us to “perform that alchemy now.” I love how yoga pushes you, reminds you that the mind and body are inextricably connected. I constantly call on this concept whenever I am challenged, either physically or mentally. Exercising to the extent of my abilities trains me to breathe through the tough parts and stay focused on balance and good form.

I’ve just started to train 6 days a week with intense cardio and often I just want to stop, but challenges that push me out of my comfort zone are extremely important to my growth.  So how will I push myself out of my comfort zone and into true discomfort? I want to run the Bolder Boulder 10k next spring and possibly the San Diego Rock & Roll half-marathon the week after… which is a huge challenge, considering I’ve never really been “a runner.” Running is the last frontier for me, the thing I don’t want to do that will stretch me to the limit. My best friend from San Diego wants to run the half-marathon and several friends here want to run the 10k, so I really have extra motivation and good company. I need to learn to appreciate the body/mind meditative state that results from long time & long distance exercise. I love this Asics concept because it’s all about the cleansing power of running I want to discover which I already know a bit of through dancing, yoga and cross-fit workouts. It’s about finding those dark corners of your mind and body, the places it’s hard to go, and going there. Pushing for change, envisioning a new version of you. Believing that you can reach heights you never thought possible! Personal trainers and coaches are invaluable because they see where you need to be pushed. Think of all you could accomplish by taking stock of where you could improve and asking for feedback and ideas from friends and family about lofty goals you could set.

I’ll leave you with this quote by Michelangelo we’ve been discussing at work lately, which applies perfectly.

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.

Here is the quinoa I made for tomorrow’s lunch: added taco seasoning and cumin to the quinoa while it was cooking, then added a can of black beans, a few chopped mini sweet peppers (which you can get in a huge bag at Costco- awesome crunchy snack!!), a big handful of cilantro, two green onions, and the juice of half a lemon. I prefer lime juice but today I just had a lemon and it’s still really good and tastes super fresh.

Spicy Quinoa with Peppers, Black Beans, cilantro and green onion

And here is a similar quinoa recipe I cooked up last week when I was wanting something spicy again. Salsa, avocado and Ezekiel tortillas…. mmmmm.

Quinoa with black beans, peppers, romaine and salsa

AND! We got a juicer! After all this time of making smoothies and juice in the blender and straining for juice, we now have a juicer. I love it, it is so great for vegetables. It’s not very loud, especially compared to the blender, it just purrrs. We did all sorts of greens and it was awesome. I think we’ll still make a lot of smoothies in the little bullet blender, and it really works well for a lot of things. But for juicing vegetables, I couldn’t be more excited about it. Juice is such a fast, and invigorating breakfast! I love taking my cup of juice to work and sipping on it throughout the morning. I add ice so it’s really refreshing and hydrating at once and with my insulated cup, it stays fresh into the day. Here’s my favorite juice I made last week, though it was in the blender. I’ll have to share some pictures soon (or maybe someday I’ll venture into video…maybe) of using the juicer.

Pomegranate seeds, clementine, wheatgrass

Ready, go!

I also broke away from my stint of addiction to xenadrine. I want to have extra energy at work, but that’s not the way I want to do it. I don’t want to be addicted to food, or coffee or anything else, so why an I taking them? They made me feel great, made my mind go a little faster like caffeine does… but when I stopped taking them- I wasn’t even thinking about it, I just had a day off and didn’t take one- I went out with friends to a bar to watch some football and could not stop yawning! It took me a minute to figure it out- no xenadrine this morning, ugh. Then that night and the next- big headaches. So obviously I was addicted if I went through such clear withdrawals. It took me a couple days of headaches and a good week of stuttering like a dyslexic dork at work, but now I’m feeling rebalanced, super energetic, fueled by fresh juices, vegetables, fruits and lots of water.

This morning I was still feeling stressed so I started to dance & jump rope to work out, but felt like it wasn’t working. Then I tried some yoga instead, but decided I didn’t want to do that either. Then tonight after work I went to our apartment complex gym to attempt running. I know it’s the last frontier, the thing that will challenge me and get results if I can just do it. It will also be a new goal- I want to run the Bolder Boulder 10k next year. I’m not a runner, but maybe I just need to get over it and stop saying I’m not and become one. So tonight I jumped on the treadmill and ran as long as I could and I lasted about 15 minutes running fast. More than I thought I could. At that point it felt like my sports bra was going to suffocate me my chest was so tight, so I walked about 5 minutes. Then I ran again for the rest of 30 minutes! I was pretty happy with my starting point. Plus! I felt great, I really got in the zone and felt my focus returning, my cares were not in the periphery always nagging, but fading, disappearing. Maybe there could be something to this for me!! We’ll see. Ok, back to the food.

Sushi parties!

tabbouleh

Yummy green salad with Brianna's (Brand) French Dressing

Greens, sprouts, avocado, green onion, cilantro, almonds, Bragg's

purple potato from the Asian market

via esabet

I feel like I might actually be finding balance in my life- I’m finding that it doesn’t have to be an “on or off” thing.  I’ve been through all the extremes- from fast food binges tinged with cocktails to stretches of 100% raw vegan food, no sugar, no alcohol, yoga and spiritual books… All my friends know my back and forth struggles. When I’ve visited friends I’ve brought twizzlers and doritos to watch a fight, and I’ve brought my own packaged salad to Easter dinner so as not to stray from my diet… both a little much, I know. So I’ve been working on having a cookie and then having a salad, and getting gently back to trying, rather than flip flopping back and forth so violently. I tend to beat myself up, and I’ve realized that this negativity towards my imperfections is not serving me, it’s holding me back.

I have good reasons for getting back at trying to make mental, physical and spiritual in earnest. At work, I was recently passed up for a a promotion, largely because of my energy not being high enough. That was a blow- I’m always working on having positive energy. But I know that in the business world it has to do with having tenacity, getting things done, being strong and confident, communicating effectively and breaking through obstacles. I know that I haven’t been taking care of  my body and spirit in the ways I should. I’ve been sleeping irregularly, slacking on exercise and yoga, indulging too much in computer/tv time, and getting lazy about food and cooking. I know that maybe if I had been working hard in all the aspects of my life, I might have been in a better position at work! I would have felt better about myself, held my head higher, and known that I can be a leader. I would have shown that I’m a lion, not a little lamb.

I’m thankful for this wake-up call, and now I know there’s no time to waste. You’re either striving to get better, or allowing yourself to get worse. In the words of Norman Walker in one of his books I was reading this morning: “Everything of domestic joy or occupational success must be built of body wholesomeness and vitality.” I have known for a long time that success at life has to be holistic, but I know it now more than ever. And still, honestly I’m struggling. I’ve been so tired lately as a result of not taking care of my body and emotions. I am seeing the positives as much as I can and I’m trying not to take it to personal, but I couldn’t just pretend it doesn’t hurt. I’m already so critical of my self. I’ve been working really hard in a lot of areas in my life, and even though it’s a necessary step to getting better, it’s also hard to hear that you aren’t good enough, that you need to work so much harder still.

So, it’s time to find that motivation. It’s time to be grateful for what I have, what I’ve already attracted and accomplished. I’m being patient with my body and spirit right now as I transition back to healthier living. I’m allowing myself naps as needed, but soon, I want to be the ball of energy I previously was. I can’t let this take energy from me, I need to use it as fuel to jump higher. I am thankful that I have great support. I know that my coworkers truly believe in me, and I’m working on forgiving myself for letting them down. I haven’t wanted to really talk about it too much- when I complain, it doesn’t really help anyone. I feel bad after I put my negativity onto someone else (sorry about that car ride, Badi!), but it’s also been hard holding it in. This is one area I’m really working on in yoga and exercise. Letting out that tension and unhappiness, letting it go and feeling better. I’m also working on communicating honestly, with logic and not emotion.

…Ok I had saved that draft and am picking up the next day! I’ve already felt so much opening in my heart and mind, and success in my efforts. What I’ve decided today is that I am going to transition back into health, but I am not going to add labels and impose rules. A goal of 100% raw food forever was setting myself up for failure, let’s be real. I have discipline, but I am also human. I am going to eat healthy foods as much as I can, make fresh juices and work on my positive energy through movement and meditation. But if I mess up, it’s ok. This is the middle road. I have two feet which alternate steps, and there might be rocks I have to step over or around. One day at a time, I will be getting better and better. Mistakes are making me stronger, and I will always try to remember that ultimately, it is about happiness. It is about how I feel and the happiness that I bring to others. When I don’t feel well or don’t feel good about myself, it hurts my ability to show who I am. I am cultivating the courage to be me.

I am happy with this gentle non-decision. I feel free and motivated, rather than stuck and afraid to make a mistake. I will make mistakes. I will feel pain and suffering. But I can’t let fear stand in my way. I will do my best and also accept my failures as guides, reminders to get back to the middle road.

I know when I eat natural mostly raw foods I feel great. I know when I combine foods the right way, it really helps the way I feel as well…

Why is that simple knowledge not enough? I can’t remember that and do that all the time? I know I need balance, but it it so hard!! So leading up to the wedding I let my stress get to me and started eating whatever I felt like. People were in town wanting to celebrate and I wanted to let loose and celebrate too. There was one night Joel and I were so stressed, we were in agreement that food was the only thing that was going to make us feel better. Why must our brains be wired this way? Our generous families bought all the food and drinks for the wedding, and our amazing selfless friends prepared and served it for us. We saved hundreds of dollars doing it this way, and somehow we still have leftover food from the wedding, enough to last days. Too many days. Turkey wraps, veggie wraps, and pasta salad, chips and salsa, red wine. That’s what we’ve been eating for the last week. Needless to say, I don’t want to waste food and throw money down the drain, but I also can’t eat any more pasta salad.

Further confessions. Today at work I ate some oreos. Ugh. Afterward I could barely keep my eyes open on the drive home. I was eating them laughing at myself, thinking facetiously “wow, this is going to be great for the blood sugar” And yet still I ate them, and of course it was so regrettable. I just had some more pasta salad and feel like taking a nap. OH AND we had leftover soda pop and I was drinking them thinking well, they’re nice for a bit and then they’ll be gone, no big deal. So today I went to grab one and they were gone! I looked all over, searched the fridge, looked in all the cupboards, and then thought “Maybe we can just get a few more.” And then I realized- I am already addicted, in less than a week. I want that soda so bad right now! I haven’t had one in quite some time and the first one was so delicious! I just can’t believe how badly I struggle with this, but I guess most people do. It’s not just a matter of fitness and weight, though that is an issue- I feel so chubby and gross, though my weight is stable as all my muscle is just melting into fat. That sucks, seeing myself in the mirrors when I walk by them at work- what I see and feel are often two different things. Feeling the pants too tight, feeling the arms getting flabby- whatever, I know I can get back to working out and being more lean. But the day-to-day feelings are the worst. The tiredness, the inability to puts words together that come out of my mouth that make any sense!! This one is super annoying, especially when I’m at work and I can’t think and get words out to save my life. These “symptoms” are not acceptable.

Right now I’m totally off the wagon but trying to swing my leg over the side and get in but it won’t stop moving! I’ve gone into that place where I’m eating anything and everything. I even had some drinks the other night. (BTW if you’ve never had a Sexy Alligator, I recommend it!)

Sexy Alligator

I had lots of leftover wine and tried some Fat Tire from our keg. Each time I thought it would make me feel fun and light and sexy… nope, opposite. I did want to keep drinking because the buzz was fun for a little while, but by the time I get enough to keep me buzzed, I’ve had so much I just want to sleep and feel gross. This reminded me of Philip McCluskey of LovingRaw and his book The World’s Sexiest Diet which I’ve been wanting to buy for a while. I think it’s time. I’m still on my “honeymoon” even if I am still at home and already started back to work! I need to feel light and airy and lovely. Pasta salad, oreos and pepsi are not exactly helping. Plus, all I want is fast food right now- tacos, pizza, hamburgers- oh, and candy, ice cream, and cookies, which is when I know its gotten bad. And no, I’m not pregnant but I’m very scared for the cravings that will happen someday when I am!!

I’m cleaning out the fridge as soon as I finish this blog, taking the extra food to work or throwing it out, and going shopping for fresh new food. I know the back and forth isn’t the greatest way, but I know it’s better than not trying at all. I accept that this might not be the last time ever I eat bad food, but I am recommitted to being aware of how my body and mind feel and doing my best to be at my best as much of the time as possible and minimizing the time that I’m feeling affected by poor choices. That’s the best I can do.